I've been so anxious to have this baby lately that it's really got me thinking about all the "I can't wait to..." and "I won't ever..." situations. I got this same feeling with my first daughter and really thought about all the things I would and wouldn't be doing in life, with my baby, for each of us, etc once she was born. My life is SO extremely different now that I can't even begin to reason with my 19 year old new-mom self and all the choices I made then. I don't have any regret and none of the choices I made negatively affected either of us. I was just different back then. I was 19. You learn and grow a LOT between 19 and 32 years of age, and if you haven't, well, you're missing out.
Here is a little variety of some of my choices when I was 19 and a first-time mom (I think it makes a difference to say first-time mom, because once you've done it ONE time, you know what to expect for the most part and that changes the way you feel and think about things):
What? I chose not to breastfeed. I didn't even want to try. I didn't try. I formula-fed my first born and I do not regret it one bit. She has always been highly intelligent, VERY well-adjusted and there is no reason to believe that breastfeeding would have resulted in a "better" baby/kid/teen. She is 13 now. She is logical, reasonable, humane, kind, warm-hearted and caring. Those are just SOME of the things I wished for her to be as she got older and she is still growing up.
Why? The reason I chose not to breastfeed was because I was living with my parents and two younger brothers and I didn't feel comfortable with it. I did research and knew all of the reasons they say breast is best. LLL harassed me when I went to WIC and although my opinions have VASTLY changed since then, I would still avoid LLL knowing that they genuinely harass young mothers and make them feel guilty and horrible for choosing not to breastfeed. I am 32 now and I still know that feeling VERY well... it kinda stuck. I would not want to be treated that way ever again and it's sad that they had to harp on me while saying "it's your choice", all the while meaning "but it's the wrong one". I feel like new moms need support and it's none of your business why I make the choices I do, just support me or leave me alone. For all they know, I was molested or something. (I wasn't.)
What? I did not go into labor and birth knowing how I wanted things to be and end. I did not have a preference of whether I wanted medication or episiotomy or freedom to bathe, eat, drink, etc during labor. I just went into labor, got to the birthing center and played it by ear. I ended up having her unmedicated (I actually got a dose of Nubain not too long after I was admitted but it wore up very quickly so I ended up having her naturally). When I went into labor, my contractions began 5 mins apart lasting around 30-60 seconds and within an hour they had progressed to 3 mins apart, lasting 1 minute each. This was from 12:01am-1:00am. We left for the hospital some time between 1 and 1:30am and got admitted by 2ish. At that point I was having the same steady contractions but they did not hurt more than menstrual cramps. They asked me a couple times if I wanted medication and I didn't really know so they suggested something mild and reminded me I wouldn't be able to get an epidural after a certain point. I was thinking that it would get MUCH worse but it never did. After about 20 minutes of pushing, I had her at 5:04am, the same day. It was perfect and amazing and awesome and I hope that baby #2 is just as rad!
Why? I guess I didn't really care about HOW it happened, just that I had a healthy baby in my arms soon. I took a Lamaze class but it just never crossed my mind to go another route other than breathing, really. This time, I haven't really thought about doing it any other way. Unless there are some crazy circumstances, I will do this one medication-free from start to finish. That stuff isn't good for baby and we're built to birth, we're not gonna die. If for any reason there is an emergency, I'll be in a birthing center than can help me and baby quickly. Next time I might just birth at home...especially if this one goes as easily as the first.
What? I had no post-baby body plan. I knew that the belly would be different, as would the rest of my body and I didn't really care that much. When I got pregnant, I was 5'7" 118lbs. I gained 33 lbs. I lost 25 of those by giving birth. I was young and fit and lucky. I have to admit though, I thought I was FAT post-baby. But that was likely because none of my pre-baby clothes even came close to fitting me. My boobs were HUGE (36E) and I weighed like 126 pounds. I was NOT fat. I'd smack my 19 year old self for that RIGHT NOW if I could. I stayed that weight and that is mostly because it was healthy for me at the time. Then I got older and was comfortable and looked better at a higher weight... that is my current post-baby goal weight. 150-160 pounds. I still have huge boobs (38HH) and let's be honest, they're really heavy, so 160 looks slender on me. I have only gained 10 pounds during this pregnancy, so far...
Why? I didn't really think it would be hard to lose 33 pounds and honestly, it wasn't. Now that I'm older and wiser and older... I know I will lose some weight giving birth and some more breastfeeding (this time I AM breastfeeding, yep!) and that will likely put me BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight. I'll be happy with that, honestly but I still want to reach my goal eventually.
Now here are some things I will and won't be doing THIS TIME:
What? Bottle feeding. Unless I have some major issue, I will exhaust all of my efforts and resources to nurse this baby without the use of bottles, and hopefully to 1 year, with baby-led weaning at 6 monthsish. Nobody can predict how things will work out but that is my goal.
Why? SO many reasons. The nutrients, immunities, bond, easy access, convenience, preference, no need to wash bottles or pump, no risk of nipple confusion and the list COULD go on but those are the main reasons for ME. Do I care how anyone else chooses to feed their baby? NOPE. I hope everyone CAN feed their baby the way they choose and that's all I care about.
What? Baby-wearing.
Why? Unless she hates it (like my first one did... but I have to admit, I didn't really force it, either), I would like to wear her whenever possible. Around the house, instead of a stroller, instead of a cart, on walks, on outings, etc. Again, the bond. Also, worn babies cry less, feel more secure and have a better sense of trust, get to see the world at our level, know you're always there (they can't really see you well from the distance a stroller puts them at). Oh, and the added bonus of not having to put up and take down a stroller each time you go somewhere. That is important to me. I didn't wear Maya but I carried her when it was convenient and pushed her in a stroller when that worked better. We went to Disneyland a lot when she was a baby and we are going to do the same with this baby so we'll see how much easier baby-wearing makes that experience for us.
What? Cloth diapering.
Why? Environmentally friendlier. Budget friendlier. Baby skin friendlier. Those are my top three reasons. There are several other reasons to cloth diaper, of course, but those made the decision for us. We intend to cloth diaper primarily from the start but will use up the disposables we have received as gifts, though mostly on longer trips, out of sheer convenience. That's what they are, anyway, convenience products.
What? Having a birth plan. It's just a plan. Not an "if things don't go my way I'll cut someone" plan. I plan to give birth naturally without the use of medications unless required because of a life or death situation. I plan to have low interventions-montioring, exams, etc. And I plan to move about freely, unattached to an IV, and able to hang out in the shower or tub as I feel fit. That's mostly it. Mostly. Of course I'm not going to go into too much detail but those are the things that are most important to me.
Why? Why not? Like I mentioned before, your body is made to do this. The more you can feel, the better you can control and react to the situation. You can move and soothe yourself if you can tell what's going on and you're not in a drug-induced haze or stuck in bed because of an epidural. Some studies show that the meds get to the babies and make them groggy and unable to breastfeed properly immediately after birth. Some studies say this is unlikely but if it's even likely, I want to avoid that. I also do not think it's necessary to be poked and prodded when I'm going in for something so natural. I just wanna use the facilities, I am not sick or dying. If I AM, then we'll talk. Obviously I'm not going to cause harm to my baby by dosing her with meds, and I'm not going to let anything go far enough to harm her by birthing naturally, either. If she's stuck and we've exhausted ALL efforts, fine, we'll have the dreaded c-section. That is my worse case scenario nightmare situation though. Anyone else can birth their own babies how they see fit. This is the way I see fit for me and my baby.
OK, can we PLEASE get this show on the road now, though? I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow, and that's considered full term... she can come NOW! Thanks!
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